The Story About The Cave Woman

Branch manager Okay, here it is.  I wrote last night that I was going to a writers club meeting at the library today.  Most of us took something to share and have critiqued by the rest of the group.  And boy, howdy, what a group.  They said they usually had five or six people show up.  This month they advertised it in the paper, and the room was crowded.  It seems like we all have a story, and we all have our own way of telling it.

After listening to the first three or four really serious, beautiful stories, I felt myself beginning to tear up a bit.  So, being me, I decided to lighten the mood up a bit.  I had a couple of samples with me, and was very happy I took this one in.  At one time I had photos of this train wreck, but today I got bored and deleted them.  Way to go Angie!  So, just to add a little bit of color, I’ll have to stick in some cutsy pics like the one above.

So, here’s the story I shared.  A bit of background first.  When I wrote this I was extremely frustrated.  From this point, I think the story tells itself.

SQUASH RELISH DISASTER: CAVE WOMAN STYLE

Woman:  “Squash on sale.  Want relish.  Buy many squash.”

(Woman come home from store with many squash.  Get food processor out of cabinet.  Plug in.  Food Processor no work.)

Woman:  “Food Processor, why you no work?”

Food Processor:  “I tired.  Want rest.  You no need relish.”

Woman:  “I want relish.  You no work, you go in garbage.”

(Woman throw food processor in garbage,.)

(Woman get blender out of cabinet.  Plug in.  Put squash in blender.  Blender no blend.)

Woman:  “Blender, why you no blend my squashes?”

Blender:  “I no blend squashes.  I make smoothies.  Squashes no smoothies.”

Woman:  “If you no blend then you sit in sink and stay dirty.”

(Woman puts blender in sink and leaves dirty.

Woman gets salad shooter out of cabinet.  Plugs in.  Salad shooter no shoots.)

Woman:  “Salad Shooter, why you no shoot y squashes?”

Salad Shooter:  “I make you salads, grate you cheese.  This no salad.  No cheese.  How you get cheese for omelet in morning?”

Woman:  “I eat oatmeal.  If you no shoot then you go in sink with blender and stay dirty.”

(Woman puts salad shooter in sink)

(Woman looks around for way to chop squashes.   Sees mini food processor.  Plugs in.  Puts in one squashes.  Mini chops squashs.)

Woman:  “Mini, you good to me.  You chop squashes for me.  Now you get place of honor on top of counter.  You get washed tonight.  I treat you better than bad blender and bad salad shooter.”

THE END OF THE SOGGY SAGA OF THE SQUISHY SQUASHES.Melting face

So that is the story I decided to share with everyone.  It provided the necessary giggle that seemed needed at the moment, and I got the critique I wanted for how to make it look and sound better.  I have put the improvements in this post, so it now has punctuation marks, even though the story is the same.  Remember, I had just been thru a brutal battle with my kitchen appliances, and most of them won.  It was after midnight when the relish was finished, and I felt like I was finished also.

Now I feel a lot like the doggy just above here.  It’s hot Don!  The whole state is melting.  And just a little fact I learned last week.  A neighbor from down the hall was with Admiral What’s His Name on the cruise to Antarctica.  I’ll remember the Adm. name around 2 a.m., but I don’t think I want to get up to write it down.  I do remember the neighbor’s name though:  Mr. Something or Other.  Sorry, there’s a short in my brain when it comes to remembering names.  Faces, I can remember, just not the names that go with them.  All in a day’s work I guess.

A.

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